What's my problem

What is my problem? Is it just me or is everything i say always get misinterpreted. I try... i try i try to explain to people how i feel but you know... sometimes its better that people do not know... then they do not think that you are weak. They do not think that you are a woos.... Maybe i need therapy and see a shrink!!! I guess all this stem from growing up the way i grew up. Dysfunstional but functional. Does that make sense? i do not know anymore.... things has just be so messed up lately.... there are so many things to do and so little time t do them.

People usually become happy when they are going back to where they come from.... I say usually casually here. I must say i have mixed feeling. Very mix feeling. I have fear, sad, anxious, happy and excited all roll into one like a bowl of salad that just gone wrong. I have live on my own for the last 8 years without any interuption. Without people bothering me quite happly. It has been a great 8 years despite the ups and the down and fighting to study. One thing though!!!! Its so scary to come back home after all those years of not having to listen to anyone and being able to do whatever and whenever... its hard... its very hard. One can only hope for the best...... You know what's even scarier is that living under the same roof as my mother..... she loves money.... the mroe money the better.... she also loves telling all her daughter that men are evil and man can not be trusted... she also tries to make a point that her daughters are never good enough... well i should say she make sure all of her kids know that we are never good enough for her... other people's children are always better always... other people kids are always better always..... its so frustrating.... its very frustrating actually.... I know that i am good enough.. but sometime you just could not help and wonder......

I feel quite sad really.... i am going to leave this place... i have been here for 8 years... 8 years... study here... work here... its like home... :( Feel quite anxious as well because i will be working at a new place.... where things are run differently... not that i am afraid of change... i am a very flexable person i would and should say... i just felt that i may get frustrated!!!

I guess things are not all negative... i know that its hard for me to move on i'm sure there are perks of going back home.... Being with the one you love is one. My "rock". Although lately i have been a "Bitch". Huh!!!.... that will be the day to look forward to... to see him smile and be happy. That would be nice.

Anyway thats about it i guess.......

Say less

You know i do know that i talk so much. I do not know why. There is this urge to talk and talk and i also love the attention as well. The things is as well most of the time i talk bullshit. I try so hard to not talk too much. BUT its like a drug and i just keep on talking and talking. IS there a cure for this? I dont know. One can only try to reduce the amount of talking i do. The problem is because i talk so much once i stop talking then people start thinking..... hmmm.... whats going on here... is she ok? Then i will start all over again. Ok its not such a bad thing that i can talk... in fact i am a great communicator and spoke person and I do listen too. But the problem is how much does one need to talk before it becomes hazadous and dangerous and deadly? They say tha tongue is mighter than the sword. You know that is so true that is why you can hurt people with so little word, What happens when you like me and say too much words.... ok maybe most people would just put it down to that yes that girl is so approachable. Anyway i am trying to decrease the amout of talking i do....... one can only try and ut does not hurt to try as well

Missing him

I am missing him so much today. I know where he is but i can not contact him. I miss talking to him although he just phone me this morning. It was just a short phone call but it was enough at least for the moment to cure an aching heart. I really do miss him. I miss everything about him. I miss his smell. I miss his presence. I miss being with him. It has been almost a year now that i have not been with him. It is sad isn't it. Thats the reality of it. Long distance relationship. Most people said that it was not going to work..... because it is so far. So far we had made it work. I guess today was extra hard for me becase i am not able to contact him like usual. He has gone to another country just for a month and i don't know his phone no there. I am sure he is missing me as much as i am missing him. He did phone me eventhough it was a short phone call. I wish that i was with him. I really do. I long to be with him at this moment.

I miss his touch. I miss how he says things so sweet. I miss being teased by him. I miss how he holds my hand while he drives. I miss everything. I dont know when i will be able to see him. I hope i can see him soon. It is sad....... i feel sad..... i really miss him so much. Honey i miss you..... i really do miss you so very much.

Stress

Some people may say i complained a lot. Maybe thats true. But hey i wont tell people that i am happy. Some may not like it. I write what i feel. At this very moment i am stress. The past two days i have been working my ass off. When everyone is having fun celebrating christmas, i was stressing at work. Especially when it involve cleaning up other peoples mess. It is such a pain and it was driving me insane.A stupid bitch call E wrote a whole list of things for me to do. As if i dont have enough to do as it is. What an asshole. Not only do i have to tolerate her squeeky voice and her oooooooo.... i am a god child attitude and also i am so pretty look at me look at me. She so childish. I don't understand it. Ok fine maybe she has been lucky so far. Not having any problem. Welll i just want to see her day turning into custard. Honestly i was on the verge of crying but i did not. One can only take so much. Anyway i guess its ok. That is life i guess. I am over it now.

Annoyed

Today i am so annoyed!!! Why? i tell you why? Why did i not listen to myself and just live on my own. Life would have been much simpler and easier if i did. This flatmate of mine whos boyfriend actually owns the house is driving me insane. Her squeky voice and all. I really am starting to hate this house is suppose to be a sanctuary not a torture cell but. why does this have to happen. I really dont understand why. My only thing is that she better not involve the landlord if there is anything. First thing first. What the heck...... talk about fairness. She talk about bloody fairness. Well let me tell her something if she wanted to be fair. we should have flip a coin or something to know who gets the crappy room. A crappy room with thorn wallpaper. Even an illigal imigrant would not want this room. Fungus all over the room is so small. Then there is this thing...... oh well i think you should pay this and pay that bloody heck.... stupid girl i am both annoyed and angry at the moment. I am determine to move out of this house if she starts to become bitchy and noisy i will move out of this house i will. I am not a stupid person and i will not be treated like one.

This is my 4th day at a new place. The south of the south island of New Zealand. I have been exploring this place and i start work on monday. There are a few things so far that i like. The weather is great so far. Not too hot and not too cold. The shops may be smaller than christchurch BUT some of them are really goo. I think i like the arcade, the Sh & Smith and the designers shops here. Well i thought a shopaholic like me would not survive this place but so far so good. I am looking for a flat. I think i have found one and had fallen in love with it. 2 bedroom quite big for one person but i think its not bad. The place i am staying at thr moment is such a pain. The guy staying next door to me keeps on knocking on my door and insisting that i should not talk on the phone after 1030pm.... well its my room and honestly... cant wait to start work and move out of here.

Another thing about this place is the people. They are so nice altho i'm sure not everyone is nice but hey!!!! i am not complaining all the people i came across so far are nice.... so let there be nice people in the world.

Book by Garth NIX

A couple of years ao my sister came accross a book called Sabriel in the library. It was a book unlike no others for the fact was the main character was a female and its not a romance novel. Sabriel is a fantasy fiction type book or perhaps old kingomy..... The first book was so addictive that my sister got me involve in it as well. I am not one to read those sort of book but its a good book. It was hard to serch for the folloing chapter but i found both Abhorsen and lirael. Both books were good. i would like to tell you the stoty but that will spoil the fun won't it. Its a good book you will like it too all 3 of them.

HaRrY PoTtEr 3

I watched HP 3 this afternoon. Not bad!!! Not bad indeed. I would say i quite enjoy it although i did go on my own. I had mixes emotions about this movie.... At times while watching this it was funny... but there were time when i thought.... what the heck... then there is time when i thought..... oh no Harry is so dead...... but hey!!! how would you know how you will react if you dont go and watch it eh!!! so go and watch it... i reckon its 9/10.

How much can one take

HOw much can one take? One can take so much......... Imagine your friend who wants to go to cafe everytime and make nasty comments about every thing you do. Insults everthing you so. How much can you handle? He thinks that is stylish just because he is gay!!!! Do not get me wrong i have nothing against gay people....... This friend of mine, B think he is better than anyone. He thinks he is stylish. I am sorry to say this does not apply to just him. His whole family is like that..... oh look we only wear branded stuff..... look we only do this and that but hey why the F*** are you always broke then. Well as far as i can see you actually look like yuck. The branded stuff does not make you look any better. Your face still have holes. Your attitude suck and does not make it any better. I have bared him putting me down and making me feel bad about what i do with mu money....... fo far too long........ 7 years but no more......... no more.